SWTOTD SWTOTD 10 - Can't Touch This 8:10 PM | Zeroplate I've heard it mentioned in several ways and in several places that no matter how poorly Episodes I and II lived up to expectations, that the last half of Episode III is a guaranteed bullseye--that it's a can't miss. Of course being the 'glass is half broken and the water is contaminated' kind of optimist that I am, I decided to dwell on the ways in which Episode III really could go awry in most unpleasant ways. Keep in mind these are just ideas and are not based on any knowledge of the film, and I don't want to know if any of these things will come to pass until I see the movie, so no cheating. Unexpected Familiar Relations - I feel like Lucas has already played this card in the Original Trilogy and that it would be completely ineffective now. While he is setting up a striking series of parallels between these films and the originals, he's already told us that Anakin doesn't have a father, and there's no reason to suspect that Obi-Wan needs an "I am your father" reveal at this point for his character. As long as Obi-Wan and Anakin aren't brothers, and the Emperor isn't Mace Windu's cousin, and Chewbacca isn't Padme's uncle, I think we'll be okay. Chewbacca - It's not a secret that Chewbacca gets his story debut in this film along with a ton of other Wookies that were supposed to be in Return of the Jedi. We've only seen more than one Wookie twice before, once for about a second in the Senate in Episode I, and once for a forgettable sequence in the holiday special. Lots of Wookies should be cool, but when they talk to each other, will there be subtitles? And is it a coincidence that Obi-Wan meets Chewbacca first in the cantina in Episode IV? If there's a scene where someone preps Chewbacca to wait for a signal and then meet up on Tattoine in 20 years, I'll be severely disappointed. The randomness of that meeting is what makes it cool. Han Solo Lives Here - Forget the fact that Solo would be a very young man, if that at this point in time, there's no need to see Solo in this film. Again, it disturbs the dumb chance of the meeting in the cantina and causes some implausibility. It's already implausible that we'll randombly happen to see Chewy in the midst of a galaxy-wide battle, but if we run in to young Captain Solo, I may just cry. Midichlorians, Man - The single-most loathed addition to the Star Wars mythos after Jar Jar has to be Midichlorians. I'm hoping we don't hear anything more about them as it's a fine concept to have, but one that doesn't really make the films fun when you try to explain it. Lucas went on record in Vanity Fair about what the Midichlorians are (think, mitochondria) and I was fine with that, but I don't want them coming to the rescue, or more exposition about them, and I damn sure don't want to see them. Leave some of the magical/mystical side of the Force in tact, please. What, No Ghosts? - Lucas said we'd learn why Obi-Wan and Yoda can return as ghosts. Obi-Wan's line about 'if you strike me down, I will become more powerful...' is'n't just tossed-off in Episode IV, it's a big deal. Where's the story of that? Qui-Gon took a ride to the great power coupling in the sky, and we have yet to see his ghost (although we do hear him as Yoda meditates and senses Anakin's slaughter of the sandpeople). I want to see Qui-Gon again, and I actually WANT some exposition about the ghosts because Obi-Wan has to learn about this from someone, right? Lies, all Lies! - There's a lot of deceit going on in Episode IV, mostly from Obi-Wan as he tries to shield Luke from the truth. In fact, it's probably there because the whole Vader/Luke thing hadn't been really thought out at the time they were shooting Star Wars and so Obi-Wan's dialogue about his lies being true "from a certain point of view" is just a convenient cover-up. Anyway, I want to believe that at some point there will be something that explains why the droids don't know what is going on when they meet Luke, why Obi-Wan doesn't recognize them, why Obi-Wan says "your father wanted you to have this (lightsaber) when you were old enough" to Luke if they kept Luke's existence a secret from Anakin. There's just a whole lot of schemin' going on and some of it needs to be explained before we get to Epidose IV. Jar Jar - I think Lucas learned his lesson with Jar Jar, and I don't think we'll see much of him, but how badly would it suck to be in the middle of this dark tale of Anakin's descent only to slip out and cut to a shot of Jar Jar stepping in Bantha poop? Enough Said. Death and Dismemberment - I believe the story from Ben Kenobi in Episode IV is that Vader helped the Emperor hunt down and destroy the Jedi so... let's see it! I'm not one for violence for the sake of violence, but I've had this nagging fear that most of the Jedi would be killed off-screen or in some stupid explosion or something. I have a wild theory that a bunch of Jedi are hiding out on Alderran at the end of Episode III and that when that planet is destroyed, it'll carry more weight. That would be kind of cool, but we still need to see a lot of the Jedi die on screen, and at Vader's hand. Whether it's suited-up, half-robo Vader or whether Anakin is called Vader earlier makes no difference to me. But if they hide all that carnage, it'll be a real missed opportunity to drive Vader's evil home with viewers. Boba Fett - So far, the movies have played both Boba and Jango for punks who are either easily dispensed with (Jango) or strangely inept at piloting a jetpack (Boba). Sure, they are feared bounty hunters, but they are also no match for a Jedi, and I don't want to see Boba Fetting avenging his father's death. In fact, I don't want to see him at all. So, those are the simple pitfalls to avoid. Will I be walking out of the theater on May 19th wishing damnation on Lucas for taking the bait on some of these? Who knows... Back to Top {0} Comments

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